Adventures in Online Dating

Allow me to correct myself: "Adventures in Looking at an Online Dating Site with No Intent of Dating Anyone on it."

I don't think I'd EVER meet someone in person that I met online....for many reasons, including these:

1. "I'm just a laid-back guy, who loves his kids more than anything in the world. I am honest and trustworthy." - says EVERY guy is his profile. Literally, EVERY guy. Call me skeptical.

2. "I've seen Phish 27 times." - ummmmm.

3. Screen names I've seen: Smackthatass73, Hoosierlove69, EasyGoingGuy (and a thousand versions of this).

4. Likes: exotic pets. Oh, you're THAT guy.

5. "I want a girl who takes care of herself" or "chemistry/attraction/physical intimacy is/are important to me." In other words, I want a skinny girl who will have sex with me. A lot.

6. A look I do not like: hair spiked up with tons of gel, although there is little hair, therefore head is super shiny + skin is red-tan.

7. Favorite hot spots: Chili's, Olive Garden. I am hoping this guy is trying to be funny, but I don't think so.

8. Ed Hardy t-shirt (as Seja mentioned below). At least 50% of guys are wearing these in their photos.

9. Grammar.

NSA spying- why is everyone so shocked?

So, I continue to be confused by how everyone is so shocked that the NSA has been spying on American citizens. I thought it was pretty clear back in 2001 when the Patriot Act was passed that this was exactly what they'd be doing.

So why is there a freak out now? My opinion: Back in 2001, when the Patriot Act was passed, there was so much fear because of 9/11. People were more than happy to have the government spy on them if it kept them safe (and didn't really question what that would really mean). I think most families would have loved to have an NSA agent living with them, paying their bills, raising their kids, etc. But when the culture of fear mellowed...still no anger. Out of sight, out of mind. Until the leaks, that is.

Kids' Meals

Just returned from Qdoba where I ordered a kid meal for myself. A naked burrito, side of chips, and a drink for $4.50! A regular sized burrito costs $6 (not including chips + soda)!

Whenever I order things like burritos, I always ask for a small portion anyway. Seeing a huge bowl stuffed with food just grosses me out. I usually can't even eat half of it. Oh, and I don't do leftovers (unless it's pasta). When I place my order, I always say something like this: "just a tiny bit of beans, doubt she'll eat them anyway." They think I am referring to a kid, but I am really referring to me. Dishonest? Yes. As dishonest as most corporations? No.

Oh, and my daughter is a prodigy!

This morning one of my daughter's teachers told me she made a snowflake and that she was very impressed by her folding ability. Her other teacher, who is Japanese, told me the same thing and said somewhat jokingly that Audrey might enjoy origami.

Mama's translation: My daughter is a genius! She's going to take the origami world by storm!

$143

Hygienist brushes Audrey's two front teeth with a toothbrush (1 minute) + dentist looks in her mouth and says "no cavities, start saving for orthodontics" (1 minute) = $143

I miss having dental insurance.

Gingerbread House Failure

Inspired by my friend Amy, I decided to attempt a gingerbread house kit with Audrey.

This is what we attempted:

This was our result:

We could not get it stand up. "This is too hard for us!" - Audrey

Oh well. Fun nonetheless. Special note: do NOT attempt to eat any of this if you build one.

Next time I'm going to go old school with frosting and graham crackers.

I Stand Corrected.

One of my saving graces from having a know-it-all personality is that I can also admit when I am wrong. Here is something I NEVER thought I'd write, let alone admit to: Glee is amazing!

I am very apathetic and cynical about singing-karaoke-cheesy shows. It's VERY HARD to pull off. Glee does. I'm going to go out on a limb at even say that season 1 (the only one I've seen) is one of the top ten season ones of all time. It can stand alone like "Freaks and Geeks" did. Yikes!

The character development, the acting, the humor, the heart...all well done. Excited for season 2.

Oh, USA Gymnastics, Why Do You Ruin Everything?

USA Gymnastics, the governing body of, well, USA gymnastics, is the most incompetent, embarrassing excuse for a governing body of a sport.

Worlds starts tomorrow. Here is a rundown of our women's team:

INJURED: Bross, Sacramone, Caquatto, Li, Memmel, Sloan

STILL WALKING: Raisman (ankle injury, but still competing), Johnson (slightly injured), Vega, Weiber, Douglas, Maroney (back injury, but still competing)

We are going on a decade of Marta Karolyi mismanaging the pre competition process. Too many competitions, mind games, training on hard equipment (old school),  traveling, etc. How is this STILL going on??

USA SUCKS even more though: covering up sexual abuse of young gymnasts in the 80s. A must read: 

http://articles.ocregister.com/2011-09-23/news/30202004_1_scats-usa-gymnastics-doe-yamashiro

By the way, the main gymnast in this article was one of my favorites. This is 1988 (she has already been being abused for 2 years). My heart breaks for her.

In My Dreams

The following three dreams are dreams I have on a regular basis. Feel free to skip reading this post because it sucks to have to listen to other people's dreams.

1. Jen, Seja, Amy, Wendy, and I are going on an international trip- usually to a very Eastern-bloc kind of place (and sometimes North Korea). Everytime I have this dream, something prevents me from going- I forgot my passport, the streets flooded and I couldn't drive to the airport, I couldn't get to the gate in time, etc. Only ONCE have we all actually made it to our destination. It was Italy. I desperately want to go on a international trip with these gals!

2. I am swimming in a deep pool full of large marine animals like whales and manatees. I have to touch the bottom of the pool with my feet before I am allowed to get out. NOTE: I am terrified of deep water with large marine animals.

3. Justin Bieber and I are dating. He is really into me.

When thinking about writing this blog, I decided to check out one of Bieber's videos. The one of the only song of his I know. I like this song and I am proud to admit it.

Back by a Lack of Demand

Haha. I'm back from my weeks-long hiatus from the world of the internets. Beginning of school + work + Dan leaving + moving to a new house = being lazy any second I get a chance (thus, no blogging). I know all three of you have been disappointed! I'm sorry.

Quick update: quit my job to return to school full-time to finish this master's degree once and for all. Last day is Sept 30 and I feel very good about the decision despite the thousands of dollars I will go into debt.

TODAY

I can't remember having a more horrible start to a day:

1. Flat tire.
2. Lost Cover Girl Classic Tix (not just mine, all four of them!).
3. Lost credit card I used to purchase tix, which is required to get reprinted tix (and tix are soldout so can't buy new tix).
4. Overdrafted my checking account b/c I forgot to account for a $998 check I wrote (I totally deserve the embarassment that comes with admitting this).

Enter Audrey, Seja and Jonathan:
First of all, Audrey's reaction when I am visibly upset about my flat tire is, "that happens!" That improved my mood significantly. Then Seja takes Audrey to school and me to work. Then she goes and scavanges (is that a word?) through my house until she finds my credit card (remember, I just moved, so everyone is in boxes). Then she brings it to my work. Jonathan then loans me some bones until Monday. How lucky am I to have such wonderful people in my life!

Lisa, don't tell Dad any of this.

Now it's the weekend and Lori, Alex, Jenna, and I are going to the Covergirl Classic in Chicago. It's the last meet for the National Championships and it is the best to attend. All the gymnasts are there and you can get good seats.

I've been trolling the internet all day, following podium training. I can't believe how AMAZING Shawn, Alicia, and Chellsie look. Yay!!!

I Should Have Stayed Asleep

I had the most lovely dream last night. Jon Stewart asked me out!! I was all giggly and excited like when you're 16 years old. I stand by my view that funny and intelligent men are much sexier than sexy men. He's so cute!

But then I woke up to lost car / house keys and more new house problems. Argh. Oh, and I have to read a book bigger than the Oxford Dictionary by Monday.

What's for dinner?

'Cause breakfast was a chocolate chip bagel with cream cheese and lunch is a sugar bagel with sugar cream cheese.

Indiana's State Motto

"Can I get a side of ranch with that?"

I at least hope to train Audrey to be a little classier with her ranch request: "May I have a side of ranch dressing please?"

Images via Google Images.

In Case You Haven't Seen This Yet

I LOVE this! The Alamo Drafthouse (movie theater) in Austin, Texas used a hilarious (angry) voicemail from a girl they kicked out of their theater for texting.

Via youtube.com.

I'm Always Surprised When People are Surprised by This

Photo via Huffington Post.

I Can Write This Because I am Totally Secure with Myself

Soooo...I finished my class last night. I was so excited to go home and be lazy. However, I don't have cable (not even basic cable), netflix, apple tv, or any of that. I tend to watch shows on my computer. I was already caught up on The Office, 30 Rock, and Modern Family, so I headed over to ABCfamily.com to catch the latest episode of what we "insiders" call MIOBI. Yup, "Make It or Break It." It's kind of a "Gossip Girl" meets "Secret Life" meets gymnastics. I totally love this show, which is surprising because they get the gymnastics ALL WRONG. Teen show + gymnastics = Jackie watches. Anyway, I was so tired, but couldn't sleep (shocking!). I decided that I needed rest so I'd only watch a 30-minute (aka 20-min) show. So, I watched "Melissa and Joey." Yes, that's Melissa Joan Hart and Joey Lawrence's new sitcom. I've always kind of liked MJH for her zeal, although I know it probably annoys the hell out of most people. Anyway, I'm totally hooked. I watched three eps. Seriously, it's not that bad. Pretty funny actually. Below is the trailer, but the actual show is 10x funnier.

Cushman, J. N. (2011). Teenage Pregnancy and Television. Unpublished.

The night before the 5,000 page paper is due:

Yes, those are diet coke cups in my 1950s sink. Also, I can't move my neck. Lastly, I can't WAIT to play with the little peanut tomorrow.

Now That I Know What to Read (Thanks Oprah!)...

I just COULD NOT figure out what to wear to work this morning, so I called Rachel Zoe.

I asked, "Rachel, what should I wear to work today? My black turtleneck sweater, my other black turtleneck sweater, my gray turtleneck sweater, my camel turtleneck sweater, my white cardigan, my black cardigan, my light gray cartigan, my dark gray cardigan, my camel cardigan, or my cream cardigan?" I think she tried to shoot me through the phone.

Photo credit

By the way, I actually went with my gray v-neck sweater (and no make up- oops!)

I Don't Even Have an MBA!

Forewarning: This post is way too long. This will be rare, I promise!

Oh, Dunkin Donuts. The day you opened your doors next to Noodles & Co. on Kirkwood, I predicted your doom. Did you forget to fully research ye ole Bloomington? Researching (#1) how large our population is, and (#2) how much of our population likes coffee and donuts (um, 99%) is just not enough for a town like Bloomington. First of all, I feel pretty comfortable stating that Dunkin’s prime time must be morning. I also feel pretty comfortable saying that people are more than willing to spend big $$$ on coffee and donuts in the morning. But there’s more you need to know!

Ok, if Dunkin Donuts had hired me as a consultant, here’s what they would have heard:

1. There are two MAJOR competitors within one block of the proposed location. Does Bloomington have a big enough population to support three in one block? Probably not, but this is just a small observation.
2. Does Bloomington, in general, support corporate businesses? Actually, yes / somewhat, but a good local joint will take away a lot of your business. Don’t expect to come in and take a chunk out of the local businesses’ devoted clienteles. It ain’t gonna happen. If the local business sucks, then you have a shot. In this case, you don’t.
3. What is the foot traffic around your proposed business location during your peak hours (i.e. morning)? Um, nil. Trust me, I work right across the street. There are days I walk into work without seeing another human being on the street. Not what you’d expect, I know… but something you’d learn with a little research.
4. But, you say, there 40K students on campus and they love coffee and donuts! Yes, but they are almost NEVER in this location in the morning. They do venture over for lunch…but even then the population of students eating lunch in this location is fairly small in comparison to the student population. This is because there are VERY few classrooms near this location (it’s mostly administrative buildings).
5. Lastly, did you actually SEE the proposed rent from your landlords??? Perhaps you missed one zero in it?

Just think: I would have only charged you $1,000  for my consultation and you would have saved at least $500,000. Sometimes paying for market research is worth it J.

Other businesses (I think are) doomed and why:

• Campus Candy (location is WAY TOO expensive for their small revenues)
• Panda Express (too many competitors, food sucks, rent too high)
• B Boutique, Hey Nineteen, and any girly business with the name “Bella” in it (the overhead just trumps your potential earnings, too much competition)
• Sweet Grass (not enough sales, renting too much unused square footage)
• Finches (many people will disagree with this, but they just don’t get enough business)
• 90% of Bloomington's bakeries (because there have been 30 other bakeries in your location before you…so duh, don’t do it!)
• That new soup business on the square (for every reason listed above and a million more!)

Ok, it’s important to note that there are always some businesses that stay open without making a profit…meaning the owner pretty much finances it on his / her own because he / she loves it, OR because he / she doesn’t know how to do the books, therefore he / she doesn’t realize they are actually losing money (until it’s too late). Here are a few that I think fit this bill:

• O’Child! Darling store that the owners must feel very passionately about, but there’s no way they make a decent profit with that product and that rent.
• Baked! (a cookie store), Green Bananas (a clothing store), and this hippy store on Indiana that I don’t know the name of: I think these businesses make money, but not because of the product they advertise. Haha. 

What are some others, Bloomingtonians?


Images from here.